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Holding on to bitterness

By Frankie Darcell

Here’s a news flash: Nobody cares that you’re mad! Mostly, when people are angry with each other they pretty much have a short window to resolve an issue then move on. Some of us, however, want to “wallow” in our sorrow and stay in an emotional funk.

I love to tell the story of the two sisters that argued over their mother’s pendant after her death. A judge settled the matter with a legal decision in court. Fifteen years later, the losing older sister refuses to “let the matter go.” At every family reunion, relatives run when they see her coming, fearful that the never ending conversation about the pendant will come up or the continued verbal bashing of her sister will take over the conversation and will make everyone within the sound of her voice uncomfortable.

Throughout the year she calls family members to talk about what she thinks were her sister’s ups and downs in a never ending issue of feeling defeated and bitter. Her sister, on the other hand, has married (with the mother’s pendant attached to her dress) raising two wonderful children, living in a suburb, traveling with her husband and children enjoying life with the pendant scandal behind her.

You see, she has moved on, she let it go, while her sister continues to stay focused on an issue that is not only history, but one she cannot control. Granted, she got the pendant, but the reality is, in life, you don’t win every battle. Other people have moved on with their lives. A situation that most people have forgotten continues to exist daily in her life, which stops her from growing.

We all deal with situations that involve people we love which causes us to pull from an emotional place where we become angry and want to hold on to grudges that hurt us, but we really hurt ourselves in the process.

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